GOOD DAY DOCTOR, I am Wandy from Ekiti and I’m 18 years old. I really have a serious problem with our church founder’s son. He used to talk to me and advise me on life and my career path. He also buys me a lot of things. We are in a relationship but he is married. We have been dating since January. I told him I have lost my virginity and he started complaining to me that his wife has been sick and just had an operation so he could not have sex with her and he wanted me to be his girlfriend until the wife is okay again. Honestly, I am fed up having a romance with him. Whenever I refuse to pick his calls, he will start crying and sometimes would call my mum. I am tired of it all, sir.
WANDY, HOW ARE YOU? Is that even your real name? Listen, Wandy, candidly speaking, your story doesn’t add up. Am trying hard not to say it stinks. At 18, you’re no longer a kid. How could a man come meet you and request for you to be his sex mate or sex toy because his wife is recuperating from an operation and can’t have sex with him for the time being and you agree? Is it because he is your church founder’s son or because of the gifts he buys for you? How can you allow yourself, at such a young age, to be used for such a demeaning purpose? Now, tell me, what do you mean by, “I told him I have lost my virginity”? Did you lose it to him? And when you said you’re ‘fed of having a romance with him’, you obviously mean tired of having sex with him, right? I think you need to call me. We need to talk. Is your mother aware of this shameful arrangement between you and your church founder’s son? From what you said, you have been sleeping with him since January, but decided now that you want out, why did it take you so long? You shouldn’t have even gotten involved with the man in the first place. You must stop this madness right now. Please reach me, we really need to talk.
GOOD EVENING, DR. LOVE, a lot of men are shy when it comes to approaching women. How can this challenge be overcome? Thanks. Tolu from Akure.
TOLU FROM AKURE, hi. Hope you are doing great. Your question is a rather unusual one. Didn’t know ‘a lot of men’ still have issues talking to a member of the opposite sex that they fancy. Really, I do not think there is a template for how to approach a lady you feel attracted to. But basically, I think the important thing is for you to develop that sense of self-confidence in yourself. You must learn to have confidence in yourself and in your capabilities. And this does not relate to the opposite sex. Being confident in yourself covers all spheres of your life. Making presentations in class, speaking at job interviews, etc, you must exude confidence. For the opposite sex, it’s important you don’t approach them sounding like you’re searching for a bedmate as against searching for a friend, a soul mate. Request to be a friend first before asking to become a lover. The simpler you make your approach, the easier for you. Then, you become friends, start showing signs that you care about the lady and that you have a stronger desire for her which is deeper than the ordinary likeness she may think you have for her. Once you start showing extra care and affection, she will begin to get the message and you can then take it from there. Good luck.
HI DOCTOR WALE, my name is Oluwakemi and I’m 19 years old. I have a boyfriend who is 23 years old and we have been dating for almost two years now. The problem I’m having with him is sex. He wants us to have sex and I have told him I can’t do it. I am not sure I am ready for sex now. I want you to help me, please, what should I do?
DEAR KEMI, you want to know what you should do, right? RUN! RUN!! RUN!!! That’s what you should do. At 19 years old, sex should not be in your curriculum right now. You shouldn’t ordinarily be in a relationship that revolves around sex. If you must have made friends, they must be friends that will impart positive stuff into you. And sex is certainly not one of such positive stuff. You can have a close relationship with guys that can challenge you academically. Be friends with guys that will bring the best out of you, not the ones that are only interested in taking you to bed and then boast to friends afterwards that they have seen what you’ve got in between your legs. And I’m sure that you know how disappointed mum and dad would be if they find out you’re already indulging in sex. What if you get pregnant in the process, and the possibility is quite high? Tell that young man you do like him because I can tell you really do, but that sex is out of it for you as of this moment. Like KSA and Onyeka Onwenu sang many years ago, if he truly loves you, he should wait for you till you’re ready. Period.
