2 Months To Our Wedding I Uncovered My Wife’s Shameful Secret!

•What Do I Do Now?

DOCTOR LOVE, I need your help, sir. I am in a very big dilemma. I need to take a big decision fast and I need you to help me make that decision. I am set to marry the woman I love in two months. Her name is Benny. We have known each other for about five years now but started dating and subsequently courting two years ago. I love Benny a great deal, that’s why I chose to marry her out of the hundreds of girls out there. We have had our introduction, my family and hers have sat down together and approved the union. Our wedding date has been fixed and already, plans have begun to make the day a reality. But something happened last week. I only just got to find out through an ex-girlfriend of mine who lived in the same neighbourhood with Benny years ago that she already has a child for another man years ago. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and she promised she would come to visit me. She came to the house and saw lots of Benny’s pictures in the house. Then she told me everything about the child, a boy. She told his name, where he is and about the father. I was in total shock. Benny never told me any of this. I just couldn’t believe she would keep such a thing away from me. And when I confronted her with the facts, she almost fainted and then started crying and begging for forgiveness. Was she waiting to tell me after the wedding or she wasn’t going planning on telling me at all? I do not know what to do right now. Her parents have been calling me and asking me to come over so they can plead on behalf of their daughter. But they are obviously part of the plan to keep this away from me, otherwise, why didn’t they ensure that their daughter open up to me and tell me everything I needed to know about her before finding out from an outsider, an ex-girlfriend for that matter! I have not told one single member of my family anything yet. They will be so disappointed in Benny because they all love her so much. Right now, I don’t know whether to go on with the wedding or not, I am so very confused right now….AJ, from PH

MY DEAR BROTHER, this is a tough one. And a sad one too. But I will implore you to calm down (I know its not easy) and take your time before you take any rash decision. Clearly, without a doubt, your fiance has done such a terrible thing, trying to keep such a huge part of her life away from you. Every man will be raving mad at this point. And to think you guys are just 2 months away from your wedding. But I will need you to be cautious. You need to come to terms with some reality. Ask yourself, do you really love this lady? Does she mean a great deal to you? Will you give you the sort of happiness you are looking for in marriage? Can you beat your chest proudly and say, your woman loves you with every bit of her heart? If your answers are in the affirmative, then let me ask you, how does the fact that she has a child change anything? How should that make you love her less? First thing I need you to understand is that its because of the stigma that goes with ladies who have kids out of wedlock that made her keep this away from you. She must’ve studied you and realised that you were not likely to propose to marry her if you knew she already had a child somewhere. And even now that you already proposed, she knew you were more than likely to call off the wedding once you found out. So, yes, what she did was terribly wrong, but to some extent, you cannot blame her. She probably loves you so much she didn’t want to lose you. I am sure she must be devastated right now. Ask her over and have a very private discussion with her. Ask her all the questions burning in your heart and I’m sure she will give you the answers you’re looking for. But please, don’t stop the wedding. She may not be able to survive the shame and humiliation that will follow. You cannot undo what has been done. You can only move on and learn to accept it as reality. Forgive her. She must’ve realised by now that she made a big mistake. Her having a child already will not stop her from being a fantastic wife to you. Forgive her and move on and let her become your wife and mother of your unborn children.

Hello, Doctor Love, I have a problem I want to discuss with you. I’m sorry I won’t tell you my name and please don’t publish my email address. I am a married woman in my mid-thirties. I got married to my husband in November last year but never got intimate with him because he was largely out of the country. Looking back now, I think it was a really grave mistake. It first started on our wedding night. After the whole celebration, the noise had gone down, and we had our side of the duplex to ourselves, it was time for my husband and I to get to the ‘real’ business of the day. I was really looking forward to that moment and just couldn’t wait to climb out of my wedding gown and eat up my handsome sweetheart. He seemed quite ready for me too judging by the way he feasted his eyes on my firm looking boobs and well-rounded bum, both of which hadn’t felt a man’s touch in ages. You can therefore imagine my shock, disappointment and pain when the whole thing barely lasted for five minutes! At first, I’d attributed it to the stress and fatigue of the past weeks leading to our wedding, and I was hopeful things will change. Nothing has changed, Wale, if anything, I think he just keeps getting worse. Soon, I fear it will get to a point my man would mount me, and before I can feel his penetration, he’ll climb down and tell me he’s done. What can I do, Wale, I am suffering inside. I have tried to express my pain to my husband and he keeps assuring me he’ll do something about it. To be honest with you, Wale, I love my husband and can’t even think of cheating on him, but still, I don’t know how much of this torture my heart can take. Help, doctor Love, what can I do?

My dear, you have no idea how much your mail touched me. Even if you didn’t ask, I probably would’ve concealed our identity and protect you from the backlash that I’m sure would follow once the readers get to read your story. It’s very easy for people to judge very easily even when they have absolutely no idea what you’re going through. Some would be quick to say, ‘is sex all that matters to her? Doesn’t she love her husband enough to endure and put up with his below-par sexual performance? Or is she some nymphomaniac that cannot be satisfied by one man? People surely will talk, but the truth is, they will never know how serious this is. First, I will plead that you are very patient with your husband, this must be a lot more difficult for him than you can imagine. If you’re not careful how you go about grumbling about his inability to drive you nuts in bed, you might be slowly killing him inside without realizing it. Let him know you love and care for him regardless of the fact that he’s not quite taking charge of his business in the bedroom department. You guys must talk about this together. He must take the bold step of meeting with a medical doctor who can examine and recommend for your husband medications that will address his condition. In the meantime, you can also help by letting him know exactly how to turn you on, where to touch and get you flying on another planet. If you guys work together on this and put your mind to it, you will surely get some results. Assure you love him and nothing will stand between you two, sexual satisfaction or not. You didn’t even say if you guys already had a child, but it’s alright. Please, seek the services of a medical expert and keep your love burning strong.

Hello, dear Doctor Love, my name is Agnes. I am twenty-one years old and I am in a relationship with a guy that’s ten years older than me. We have been dating for over a year now, but within that one year, its been a mixture of pain and joy for me. One week, this guy is making me happy, the next few weeks that would follow, he is giving me heartaches. And the major problem is that he is a serial cheater. I have caught him cheating on me several times and all he does is beg for forgiveness afterwards. The last one he did hurt me the most – I just found out he’s been sleeping with one of my friends! And as usual, he is begging for forgiveness again. I love this guy, Wale. Maybe it’s because he’s the one who deflowered me about a year ago, or perhaps it’s something deeper than that, all I know is that I love him to bits. But sadly, he doesn’t feel the same way about me, all he knows and wants is sex. What do I do now, Doctor Love? Please, do not publish my number.

Dear Agnes, I feel your pain. Reading through your mail, I could tell it’s coming from a lady who truly loves her man with all her heart. Sadly, you are loving the wrong kind of man. Let’s face it, Agnes, this guy doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings. He is taking advantage of the fact that you’re in love with him. And to make matters worse, he’s a player, that’s something that’s too much for you to handle, considering that you’re still inexperienced when it comes to dealing with men. While you’re staying faithful to him, he’s hopping into bed with any skirt available, even if it’s your friend that’s wearing that skirt. The way I see it, if you have a pretty sister, don’t let her meet your man, otherwise……So, my piece of advice is this, give this guy a break. Stay away from him for some time and let him evaluate your relationship with him and be sure it’s you he wants or he still wants to sample every babe that comes his way. If you ask me, I’d say you simply walk away from the relationship, it’s obvious this guy will give you nothing but emotional pain. But because I know you love him like crazy, I won’t ask you to walk away. Just tell him to give you a break, allow you time to think and access the whole relationship. That way, you can also study him and see if he’s changed and ready to turn a new leaf. Best wishes.

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