Should I Marry A Guy I Don’t Love?

DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need your help badly. My name is Agnes and I am twenty-eight years old. I will be getting married in a few weeks to a man I have known for close to two years now. His name is Benjamin, a very nice guy. I think he loves me and I love him too. But I don’t know why I have been having these panic pangs going on in my stomach for some days now. It’s like I am no longer sure Benjamin is the right guy for me. Sometimes I feel I am the one who’s not ready for marriage. I know that deep inside me I like Benjamin, but am not sure if I love him enough to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. But something keeps telling me I shouldn’t go ahead with the marriage and I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I think it’s because in the earlier part of our relationship I caught him cheating on me and I have probably not been able to get that incident out of my head even though he begged me for forgiveness. Help me, doctor love, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the wedding?

DEAR AGNES, I think what you’re going through right now is nothing but wedding frights. Otherwise, I wonder what else it could be. It is normal for ladies sometimes to develop cold feet, and have some doubts about this big step they’re about to take when the wedding is only a few days away, but usually, they get over it. Sometimes, the fear could be about whether they truly love the guy they’re settling down with, or whether he truly loves them enough to want to spend the rest of life with them. For some others, it could be about the fear of just losing your independence as a woman, Yours could just be one of these because, from what you said, you love your man and he loves you too. And I don’t think it’s about the fact that you caught him cheating a long time ago, you guys have obviously put that episode behind you. I think all you need to do is calm down and share your fears with your man and I trust that by the time he’s done reassuring you that you’re the woman he’s opted to spend the rest of his days with because he loves you like he’s never loved any other woman, you will surely feel better. And if you’re still feeling the same afterwards, you both might need to go talk to a marriage counsellor.   

HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, my name is Funmi and I’m 22 years old. I am an undergraduate at the University of Lagos. There is this guy in my department, he is brilliant and funny and nice looking too. Everyone, especially the girls seems to like him. But I have a feeling I am starting to like him a lot more than the others. I think of him a lot and always look forward to seeing him. He likes me too. He has told me once that I am one of the cutest girls in the department. But he has simply remained friends with me. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell him I like him. Is it okay for a girl to tell a guy she likes him?

DEAR FUNMI, I couldn’t help but smile while reading through your mail. The reason is that this subject you raised has been one of the most contentious relationship issues of all time. The old school lovers believe it is wrong for a lady to chase after the man of her desires. They say it is unladylike, that it’s the responsibility of the man to woo and conquer the woman and not the other way round. But things have changed. These days, we have seen women who did the chasing, got the man of their dreams and today, they’re living happily ever after. But, as a lady, you must be very careful with 5the man you go chasing after. Not every man appreciates this. To some men, it cheapens the value of the lady. They see you as a ‘free meat’ and so, they ‘chop and clean mouth’ and throw you away. But not so with some other men. They respect such woman and treasure her. So, before you make that bold move, what kind of guy are you chasing after, is he the type that would respect and appreciate you or the sort that would see you as cheap and treat you like garbage? The ball is in your court, dear. Good luck. 

DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have a little problem and I need your help. I am Bimbo by name, and 25 years old. I have been dating my guy for a couple of years now. When we started our relationship, it was beautiful. But afterwards, we started drifting apart. He is a good guy. Both of us cannot explain the problem, but I think we are growing apart. I am tired of pretending that all is well with the relationship, I want to put an end to it and move on but I don’t know how to tell him. Please, advise me, what should I do?

DEAR BIMBO, before you take the decision you want to take, you must ask yourself, what exactly went wrong with the relationship? Do you sincerely believe you have no blame for the collapse of the relationship? And rather than jump to the hasty conclusion that the relationship is over, why don’t you sit your guy down first and both of you talk things over? I will ask that you tread with caution. If this guy is a good guy like you said, then he deserves that you sit down with him and talk things over. It could be that all you basically need is to bring back the sparks in your relationship against completely throwing it all away. What is the guarantee that the next guy you go for will turn out to be as good as this guy has been to you? Think about it. Dear, and tread with caution.

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