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CLAM Pastor, WOLE OLADIYUN Explains
DEVELOPING MENTAL TOUGHNESS
“You never know how strong you are … until being strong is the ONLY choice you have.”
Mental toughness is mandatory if you want to be successful in life. The circumstances you are faced with per time playa lesser role in your life when compared to how you respond to them. As much as possible, you must be more proactive and les reactive to circumstances. Mental toughness is all about dispositions. It is about consistency, self-assurance and being firm with oneself.
There is no doubt that extreme situations, especially the somewhat unceasing ones, may test your courage, determination, and willingness to forge ahead in the face of disappointments, but you must be undeterred.
Developing mental toughness starts from how you choose to handle your everyday situations. If you will learn to push yourself in thousands of small ways in those everyday situations, you will find it easy to do same in extreme situations.
You see, mental toughness is like a muscle: It needs to be consistently exercised in order to grow and develop. Your mental toughness is developed through your everyday small wins. It is developed through the positive individual choices you make on a daily basis.
Do you want to be successful? You do? Then, you must be willing to develop your mental toughness.
Like I stated earlier, your mental toughness is about your day-to-day habits, and it has little to do with motivation.
This is because motivation can be inconsistent; it comes and goes. For instance, mentally tough artists or writers would deliver on a more consistent basis than their counterparts who aren’t mentally tough. The mentally tough artist or writer would work based on his schedule and not only when he feels motivated. His attitude to work will be professional; he will do what is necessary, and he will not dodge responsibilities.
Mental toughness is you staying committed to the things you know you are supposed to do and being consistent with it. It is all about your dedication to your daily practice and your ability to stick to schedule, regardless.
Mentally tough people do not wait to get incredible dosage of motivation or courage before getting their jobs done: motivation catches up with them! They maintain daily habits that assist them to stick to their schedule and these help them to overcome challenges and distractions over and over, and over again.
Finally, to develop and sustain mental toughness, it is critical that you keep your thoughts, utterances and self-talk positive. You must also avoid every form of negativity and unwholesome behaviours.
Below are ways to develop and maintain your mental toughness:
- Challenge yourself: No one will do this for you. If you cannot find the urge within your elf, no one can put it into you. Start by learning and discovering your identity. Pay attention to those tiny, somewhat negligible details of your day-to-day activities. Build a routine that keeps you going regardless of the circumstances around you. And whenever you lip, get up, dust yourself and get back on track as quickly as possible. Understand that change is the only constant thing, so, be flexible as the occasion may demand of you so long as it is geared towards achieving your set goal.
- Build emotional intelligence (EI): This describes your capability to manage and control your emotions while you also manage the emotions of others. This means that though you may not be able to dictate how a person would act towards you, you can determine how to respond. EI helps you to handle interpersonal relationships with empathy. Your EI is key to your personal and professional success. This is because you cannot e mentally tough if you lack the ability to empathize, understand, and tolerate negative emotion and turn around to do something productive with them. You see, those situations that test your mental toughness are cunningly out to test your emotional intelligence. EI helps you to always take good decisions when you are under pre sure.
- Stay committed to every task: You must doggedly stick to tasks till the end. You must not cave in at the very first sign of difficulty. You necessarily do not have to be more courageous, more talented, or more intelligent to get tasks done, just be consistent! Well, it does not mean that courage, intelligence and talent are not needed to get jobs done, but what is the essence of the aforementioned if you will give up on the way? Mentally tough people know how to develop systems that will allow them to focus on the important stuffs regardless of the many
obstacles life may put in their way. These systems form the foundation of their mental ideologies and ultimately, separate them from those who give up when the going gets tough. When the going gets tough for people who are not mentally tough, they will likely find something easier to work on and that is if they do not resign to fate entirely. However, when things get difficult for mentally tough people, they find the courage to stay right on track.
- Stay tuned to what is ahead: You must learn to keep your gaze on what lies ahead. The goal post must be your focus. Mentally tough people are unwavering. They have clear goals that help them stay committed irrespective of the limitations they may encounter. The truth is that the limitations you see are the ones you have chosen to see. Mentally tough people do not allow short-term profits, negative feedback, or erratic schedules prevent them from running towards their goal post. And their visions are not beclouded by impossibilities.
- Invest in others: To develop mental toughness, you must understand that you cannot be fulfilled if you live like a tank. You must be a conduit pipe to live a fulfilling life. Tanks reserve contents while conduit pipes transfer what they carry. Mentally tough people have a habit of building others up. They are not insecure! They give room to other people around them to thrive and they understand that no one knows it all.
- Your perspective to issues: When it seems circumstances are clearly not in your favour, or that some people are working against you, or that they have outrightly turned away from you, learn to carry on as if no such thing has happened. You will get through such setbacks and come out even stronger if you can assure yourself that the task ahead of you is more important than those who may be in your way. I mean, stop taking matters personally. Stop wasting time wondering, “Why me?” Instead, focus on what you can control. With time, if you will stay true to yourself, you will be amazed that those who seem to be working against you today will come around later.
And if they don’t? Keep the issue in proper perspective without losing sight of what you need to accomplish.
- Have the right attitude towards setbacks: Life and business are filled with everyday demands: some necessary, some unexpected. These crises and unexpected twists can be draining but you just have to face it head on. What should you do? Ease-the damage, learn the lessons that will help you from it, and move on. Keep your attention on the long-term results and stay steady in the face of the obstacles in your way.
- Self-validation: Do not allow pleasing others to be an issue to you. The only validation you need is from God and that He has given to you immeasurably.
Rather than you being worried about how someone else feels about you, concentrate your efforts on doing and standing for the right things.
Do not give your power away to others. How do I mean? You are in control of your own actions and emotions, and your mental toughness is revealed in the way you respond to how people treat you or what happens around you.
- Patience: You must understand that there is a process attached to everything. Do not be hasty!
Don’t expect results immediately or rush to get things to fruition before they go through due process.
Anything worthwhile takes time and requires patience. Do your bit, be consistent with it and give room for process and progress. Likewise, view obstacles, delays and failures as opportunities to grow and improve, and not as reasons to give up.
Be patient and be willing to keep on trying until you accomplish your goals. Mentally tough people enjoy delayed gratification.
- Bitter complaints do not solve any problem: When you complain, especially bitterly, the best you can get is people’s sympathy and nothing more. Every normal person runs away from negative energy. If every time people encounter you, you drain them of every iota of positivity they have in them, they will soon start to avoid you. Stop complaining about the things you have no control over. Remember that the one thing you always have control over is your own response and attitude so, quit complaining. You just ensure that you are still on course; then, keep moving and quit complaining.
- Stay positive and guided: No matter the level of negativity that may obtain in your locality, stay different; stay positive. And rather than come down to their level, elevate them. Do not bring yourself down to the level of the naysayers around you, doing so could ruin the efforts you may have put into your work. Do not waste time being envious of anyone else’s possession, too. Stay focused on your own lane.
Celebrate your wins, no matter how little you may think they are, and never give up on yourself. All things will eventually work together for your good.
- Live a forgiving lifestyle: Mentally tough people do not allow unforgiveness to have a hold on them.
For instance, if someone would consider his antecedent and remember those who ill-treated him, there is every possibility that he will never want to have any relationship with such people. However, forgiving someone is not for the person’s good but for yours. When you decide not to forgive a person, you have succeeded in getting the person pinned to the ground. Conversely, what you may not know is that you cannot pin someone to the ground without you staying down with him. When you allow yourself to bear a grudge against someone, you are allowing the person to live rent-free in your head.
Unforgiveness creates emotional storm, distress, pain, anxiety, insecurity, fear, depression, and all other forms of negative energy in you. And negative energy drains! Unforgiveness hardens the heart and imprisons the offended. And holding on to unforgivenesss will not heal you, rather, it will poison you and steal your joy.
