One of the very first things I started to work in consciously with my own personal development was to improve my outlook on life. It was over 10 years ago that I started to delve into this topic and to step by step and while sometimes tumbling backwards -build a more optimistic outlook. An attitude that would over time become more and more stable so that I could not only look at the world in a positive way during good days but also so I could stay positive and constructive even during tough times and keep working towards something better.
(1) FIND THE OPTIMISTIC VIEWPOINT IN A NEGATIVE SITUATION
One of the simplest but most effective ways to build a more positive outlook has in my experience been to ask more helpful questions as often as possible. When I am in what seems like a negative situation -maybe I’ve been lazy, made a mistake, failed or stumbled in some kind of way-then I like to ask myself questions like: Here are best, smartest and most effective habits for doing so, that I have learned over more than a decade.
* What is one thing that is positive or good about this situation?
Doing so is a whole lot better than what I used to do in such situations. Because back then, I usually asked myself how much I sucked and how things could get even worse now. I do however not always use these questions right away. Oftentimes I need a bit of time to process the thoughts and feelings that arise in situation before I can do that. Trying to force optimistic thinking when you’re still in an emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well. *What is one opportunity within this situation?
You can for example ask yourself:
(2) CULTIVATE AND LIVE IN A POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT
Who you choose to spend your time with and the input you get from further away like the TV, the Internet and Magazines will have a huge effect on your outlook. To be able to stay positive, it is essential to have influences in your life that support and lift you up instead of dragging you down. So carefully consider what you let into your mind.
Consider the answers, then think about how you can start spending less time with one of those people or information sources this week. And how you can spend more of the time you have now freed up with one of the most positive sources or people in your life. *What are the 3 of most negative sources of information I spend time on? *Who are the 3 most negative people I spend time with?
(3) GO SLOWLY
I have found that when I go too fast, when I try to think, talk, eat and move around in my world really quickly, then things don’t go too well. Stress build up. Negative thoughts about just anything start to well up and I feel like my own personal power decreases. But if I slow down just for a few minutes-even if I have to force it by walking, talking and eating slower-then my mind and body calms down too. It becomes easier to think things through clearly again and easier to find optimistic and constructive perspective
* SAY STOP- In your mind shout ‘STOP’ or , ‘NO’, I’m not going down that path again!-as soon as thoughts of this starts to spin in your head
(4) DON’T MAKE A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL
It’s very easy to loose perspective, especially if you’re stressed and going too fast. And so molehill can become a big and terrifying mountain in your mind. A simple three step way to handle these situations so they don’t get out of hand is to:
And so the mind runs wild fueled by fear and it creates nightmare scenario and plenty of self-doubt
(5) DON’T ALLOW VAGUE FEARS HOLD YOU BACK FROM DOING WHAT YOU WANT
Sometimes, you may want to take a chance in life. Start a new habit that feels unfamiliar, your own business on the side or ask someone out for a date. A common trap when you want to do one of these things is to get lost in vague fears and about what could happen if you actually took action.
*BREATHE- After you have disrupted the thoughts by shouting stop, sit down and just be still. Breathe and focus on just your in-breaths and out-breaths for a minute or two to calm your mind and body down
Finding clarity in this way doesn’t take much time or effort and it can help you to avoid much mind made suffering. And help you to get going, step outside your comfort zone and take that chance.
I know. I have been there many times. So I’ve learned to ask myself this: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?, when I have figured that out, I also spend a bit of time on trying to figure out what I could do if that, that often pretty unlikely thing happens. I’ve over the years discovered that the worst thing that could realistically happen is usually not as scary as the nightmare my fear fueled mind could produce.
More seemed unattainable. Each time, I thought of MORE, it left me sad, it always felt like I had a long way to go and I hadn’t even purposefully started the journey to becoming more
BECOMING MORE
I wanted to be more. Have you felt like that before?. I would sit and day dream about what more ould look like. More in my thoughts, first felt like having lot of money. Then, added to that, was the armth of love and laughter. More, became spiritual-it had to be. Added to that, was strength and power; the ability to DO, to BE……More was now scary, inexhaustible!
In 1997, I had entered a new season, I was sure of it but also confused by it. The money made the year before looked a lot on paper but in reality, bills had been eating up. Money makes you think or should I say the lack of it, us what got me dreaming of MORE. Was life just a cycle of work, work, think of work, pay bills, have children, be sure to care for them and fervently pray for a miracle that will change ones perspective on life?
Where we are, is where God wants us to be, and it’s from that place, He will perfect His work if only we let Him. This reality exposed me to the vast variety of fabrics it had. The colours, textures-this soul produced my Interior Decoration business.
I was on a mission to finding out MORR and just then, I remembered the PLANTING vs BURIAL story and how both are scarily similar. Both require soul. The environment a seed finds itself-the difference is that one soil will grow the seed while the other, will bury the seed.
The soil without this paradigm shift, could have buried me. Ingratitude, Laziness, Pride, Anger, Resentment, Increased frustrations are just few of the nutrients that facilitate the burial of even good seeds
LIFE AS A BALL
I have always seen all the parts of my life as BALLS. Some are RUBBER BALLS, the very important ones are GLASS BALLS. My Glass balls are the critical ones that as I juggle all the balls I hold as a wife, mother, entrepreneur etc must never drop. As I matured in marriage and business, I begun to understand better the ones with irreversible consequences if I allowed them drop. I call my spiritual life a Glass ball because the state of my mind is so integral to how I see things and consequently how I make decisions. And life is the sun total of daily decisions.
This ball analogy has helped me stop chasing about things that bore me no dividend and had no real gains to my life. Let me explain…..my spiritual well being is a GLASS BALL. On the days I commune with God, and not too nice incidences happen, I accept them and trust that its been written in the plan. However, when I’m not in Fellowship with God, I am totally unable to trust that everything is working according to plan and I second guess my moves
A falling marriage, has lost love or is looking love on its core. The components of love are: Patience, Humility,,Respect, Kindness, Slow to Anger, Never self seeking, doesn’t keep records of wrong and doesn’t hype itself. A failing marriage has lost Hope-Hope that despite all, they cannot make it. My marriage is a Glass ball, I have been careless in the past. Thinking situations will resolve themselves- they don’t. One thing rides on another until one cannot even find how to resolve anything!. When we are both emotionally well, our friendship is tighter, we gist easily about our goals, money, feelings etc. And no one try to hurt the other. As a woman, being in my husband’s head space (something every young wives should know) she is able to pray with and for her man effectively because she knows his thoughts and struggles real time. There is no hiding in this space which makes it easy to know where and when things go wrong as well as detect external influences so they are nipped in the bud
The success of a marriage is integral to a woman’s well being and I would like to drill down on what a successful marriage is by contrasting it to a failing one.
* Communication is grinding to a stand still. I highlight a few of these things, so we establish that it is so much work to stay in a failing marriage. It is easier to work at it and so much harder to watch it fail. I have had times in the early stages when it crossed my mind to let the ball drop. It was becoming too hard to keep it up. However, it was messages like this of ‘Silver lining at the end of the tunnel that kept me holding on. Juggle the right balls-they have higher returns on investment
* A failing marriage keeps up appearances. When a couple wears a different persona, on social media, at church or at family gatherings to when no one is watching, they know within themselves that something is wrong.
*Couples in failing marriages feel the need to exaggerate stories to over compensate for their partners inadequacies
*They no longer see eye to eye on fundamental things.
