HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need your help. I am 30 years old and I am about to get married within the next couple of months. The man I want to marry is a good man but I never really loved him the way I loved the guy who I actually thought I was going to get married to. I dated the guy I thought I would marry for about two years while we were in same university. He was also trying to see if he could travel out of the country at the time. Somehow, he got lucky and traveled to Canada. He promised he would keep in touch with me and make arrangements to have me join him once he is able to settle down and making good money. But that was the last I heard from him. I wept for weeks after he left. For six years I waited for him, hoping someday he would show up but he never did. And after much pressures from my parents to settle down, I finally met someone early this year and agreed to marry him. He is rich. But it’s not the money, I have a very good job with MTN too. But I just couldn’t wait any longer. Then, three weeks ago, I got a call while at work, it was Steve, he’d gotten my contact through a friend of mine he reached via face book. He is back in Nigeria. We got to meet and he apologized for not reaching me all these years, he ran into trouble shortly after he got to Canada and lost all contacts. Now, he’s made good money and he’s come back for me. He wants to marry me. I am so confused right now, Doctor Love because I still love him very much. I have been crying ever since because I don’t know how to tell my fiancée or family that I don’t want to go ahead with the wedding. Please, what do I do? Please don’t show my number (sorry I didn’t include my name for obvious reasons).
WOW!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. This sounds like something from a movie script. My dear, I do not envy you at all. This is a serious situation you have on your hands. But I think you need to be careful. Hastenly thinking of calling off your wedding just because a guy you once loved, whom you haven’t seen in years has returned to you is not entirely rational. Is this guy the same guy you fell in love with years ago? How sure are you that some fundamental things have not changed about him since the last time you saw him? How sure are you he will still make a good husband? Personally, I think its such a huge risk to take, calling off your wedding for him. But my head also tells me that, even if you don’t marry the guy you love, at the end of the day, few weeks into your wedding, you might find yourself running back into his arms, because your heart will always be with him. You have to pray and seek for God’s direction in this. And if your heart keeps telling you to go for the man you truly love, then perhaps you should begin by speaking with your family, letting them know that there is a big problem and you need their help. Trust me, its not going to be easy, its going to be a very rough road for you. I can only hope that your love for Steve will carry you through. Good luck.
HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, my name is Funmi and I’m 22 years old. I am undergraduate of the university of Lagos. There is this guy in my department, he is brilliant and funny and nice looking too. Everyone, especially the girls seem to like him. But I have a feeling I am starting to like him a lot more than the others. I think of him a lot and always look forward to seeing him. He likes me too. He has told me once that I am one of the cutest girls in the department. But he has simply remained friends with me. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell him I like him. Is it okay for a girl to tell a guy she likes him?
DEAR FUNMI, I couldn’t help but smile while reading through your mail. Reason is that this subject you raised has been one of the most contentious relationship issues of all time. The old school lovers believe it is wrong for a lady to chase after the man of her desires. They say it is unlady like, that it’s the responsibility of the man to woo and conquer the woman and not the other way round. But things have changed. These days, we have seen women who did the chasing, got the man of their dreams and today, they’re living happily ever after. But, as a lady, you must be very careful with 5the man you go chasing after. Not every man appreciates this. To some men, it cheapens the value of the lady. They see you as a ‘free meat’ and so, they ‘chop and clean mouth’ and throw you away. But not so with some other men. They respect such woman and treasure her. So, before you make that bold move, what kind of guy are you chasing after, is he the type that would respect and appreciate you or the sort that would see you as cheap and treat you like gabbage? The ball is in your court, dear. Good luck.
DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have a little problem and I need your help. I am Bimbo by name, and 25 years old. I have been dating my guy for a couple of years now. When we started our relationship, it was beautiful. But afterwards, we started drifting apart. He is a good guy. Both of us cannot explain what the problem, but I think we are growing apart. I am tired of pretending that all is well with the relationship, I want to put an end to it and move on but I don’t know how to tell him. Please, advice me, what should I do?
DEAR BIMBO, before you make the decision you want to take, you must ask yourself, what exactly went wrong with the relationship? Do you sincerely believe you have no blame for the collapse of the relationship? And rather than jump to the hasty conclusion that the relationship is over, why don’t you sit your guy down first and both of you talk things over. I will ask that you tread with caution. If this guy is a good guy like you said, then he deserves that you sit down with him and talk things over. It could be that all you basically need is to bring back the sparks in your relationship against completely throwing it all away. What is the guarantee that the next guy you go for will turn out to be as good as this guy has been to you? Think about it. Dear, and tread with caution.
