DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have a problem that I don’t know how to solve. I am a young lady, I just turned 28 last year. I got married two years ago and my husband is ten years older than me. We have a little baby girl together. We have a beautiful union, everything is going fine between us and in fact, we are the envy of our neighbours. But the problem is that I do not enjoy my husband in bed. He is too much of an old school. All he does is missionary style. He never thinks of letting us do things differently in bed. And he is a very rigid man that’s why I’m scared of complaining about our unexciting sex life to him, he might take offence and begin to wonder if I have been cheating on him with another man. Please, tell me, what do I do now because I am getting really frustrated over his inability to excite me in bed…. Angela, Benin.
DEAR ANGELA, quite honestly, I feel; your pain. But you really need to be careful how you go about this. Number one, some men don’t react well to a situation like this in which they’re told by their partner that they’re not good enough or exciting enough in bed. They may begin to interpret it to mean they’re not good enough for the man in bed. Worse still, as you said in your own case, he might think you have been sleeping around. And when that begins to happen, things could get really bad from here. So, you need to be very careful how you bring up the topic. If you don’t know how to open the subject with your husband, you could look for a romantic movie with some erotic scenes in it. Be sure it’s not porn but a purely romantic movie with a couple of erotic scenes. Then, sweetly tell him you would like for him to handle you in a certain way in bed. Let him know you enjoy him a great deal when you make love but you would like to enjoy him even more. Tell him specific things he does that really turn you on, and then suggest that you would like him to understand your body even more and know exactly how to send you into ecstasy in bed. I am sure that if you study him well enough, identify when he is in a good mood, play him the right movie and bring up the subject the right way, he will surely listen to you.
DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, my name is Sandra, how can you help me? I am a young girl of twenty-four. People say I’m pretty and intelligent. I am a graduate of English Literature and I mingle with both sexes easily. But the problem I have is one that has been bugging me for a long time now. I think I like boys a little too much and this has resulted in me becoming addicted to sex. Whenever I see a guy that I like, I find my body yearning for him. Sometimes, I get wet just speaking to a guy on the phone and thinking of him making love to me. Right now, I have three boyfriends and I have sex with all three of them whenever they are available. One guy can’t satisfy me, I must at least have sex four to five times a week, so that’s why I need to rotate my sex timetable between these three guys. But deep down inside me, I’m worried. I know it’s wrong and I know I have to stop but I just don’t know-how. Sex is so sweet and beautiful to me. It’s so bad that when that intense desire hits me, I could fuck a guy (forgive my language) I barely know. All I think of is sex, but I want to stop Doctor Love, how can you help me before it puts me to shame?
SANDRA, I will be as honest as I possibly can with you, you do have a really serious issue on your hands. And I’m glad the enormity of your situation is not lost on you, which is why you’re seeking a solution before, to borrow your exact words, ‘it puts you to shame.’ Right away I must tell you that you need to see a Sex Therapist. You could also add spiritual medication to it. No kidding. What you have is an abnormal appetite for sex. Yes, sex is sweet and beautiful, but it is also not the essence of our existence. For you, that is what it has become, and that’s a huge problem. You’re a young and intelligent young lady, there’s still a whole lot ahead of you that you can do with your life other than getting banged left, right and centre. I know it’s like a demon inside you, controlling your hormones and triggering them to submerge you in an overwhelming hunger that keeps you looking for nothing but a strong, turgid looking male rod that will bring you hot, steamy sex. But you must begin to fight that demon. You must learn to stop it from controlling you because you own it, so you should be controlling it and not the other way round. Get your mind engaged in other things that will keep you away from thinking about sex. Stay away from pornographic materials and please, for God’s sake, drop your multiple boyfriends and stick to only one. But, the one most important thing you must do is seek the help of a Sex Therapist. You could call me should you need us to discuss some more. Good luck.
HELLO DOCTOR LOVE, please, I need your help. I am 30 years old and I am about to get married within the next couple of months. The man I want to marry is a good man but I never really loved him the way I loved the guy who I actually thought I was going to get married to. I dated the guy I thought I would marry for about two years while we were in the same university. He was also trying to see if he could travel out of the country at the time. Somehow, he got lucky and travelled to Canada. He promised he would keep in touch with me and make arrangements to have me join him once he is able to settle down and make good money. But that was the last I heard from him. I wept for weeks after he left. For six years I waited for him, hoping someday he would show up but he never did. And after much pressure from my parents to settle down, I finally met someone early this year and agreed to marry him. He is rich. But it’s not the money, I have a very good job with MTN too. But I just couldn’t wait any longer. Then, three weeks ago, I got a call while at work, it was Steve, he’d gotten my contact through a friend of mine he reached via Facebook. He is back in Nigeria. We got to meet and he apologized for not reaching me all these years, he ran into trouble shortly after he got to Canada and lost all contacts. Now, he’s made good money and he’s come back for me. He wants to marry me. I am so confused right now, Doctor Love because I still love him very much. I have been crying ever since because I don’t know how to tell my fiancée or family that I don’t want to go ahead with the wedding. Please, what do I do? Please don’t show my number (sorry I didn’t include my name for obvious reasons).
WOW!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. This sounds like something from a movie script. My dear, I do not envy you at all. This is a serious situation you have on your hands. But I think you need to be careful. Hastily thinking of calling off your wedding just because a guy you once loved, whom you haven’t seen in years has returned to you is not entirely rational. Is this guy the same guy you fell in love with years ago? How sure are you that some fundamental things have not changed about him since the last time you saw him? How sure are you he will still make a good husband? Personally, I think it’s such a huge risk to take, calling off your wedding for him. But my head also tells me that, even if you don’t marry the guy you love, at the end of the day, a few weeks into your wedding, you might find yourself running back into his arms because your heart will always be with him. You have to pray and seek God’s direction in this. And if your heart keeps telling you to go for the man you truly love, then perhaps you should begin by speaking with your family, letting them know that there is a big problem and you need their help. Trust me, it’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be a very rough road for you. I can only hope that your love for Steve will carry you through. Good luck.
