DEAR DOCTOR LOVE, I have been married to my husband for about two years now. We have a son and we are enjoying our marriage. But the only problem I have noticed which truly bothers me a great deal is that my husband appears not to like my mother. I can’t explain how this came to be but I have noticed that each time my mum comes over to the house to visit, my husband grows cold. Sometimes, he finds it hard to come out of the room to say hello to her in the living room. And when he does say hello to her, he will barely stay a minute in the room with her before he disappears. And my mother already has noticed this attitude and has now vowed not to come to see me in my husband’s house again, that if I want to see her, I should come to my father’s house to see her. Please, help me, what should I do? My name is Ronke from Lagos.
MY DEAR RONKE, I will need to speak with you to answer a few questions. For instance, I would love to know if your husband’s attitude to your mother has always been like this from when you guys were courting or it just suddenly changed at some point after you got married. I would also like to know if your husband ever mentioned anything that your mum did that he didn’t like and you probably think he has forgotten all about it. I think something must’ve happened that triggered this coldness towards your mum. But have you also tried speaking with him to know exactly what the problem is? A man doesn’t just wake up in the morning and decides to dislike his mother-in-law, and a Yoruba man for that matter, something must’ve happened and for some reasons, your husband has chosen to keep quiet about it. And if you do not take time to talk to him and persuade him to talk about it so you can placate him and make him have a change of heart, then he will continue to act cold around your mum. Please, try to talk to your husband and let me hear from you. Good luck.
Hello, Wale, I must commend you for a job well done. I have a problem that requires your timely advice. i have a boyfriend that I love so much, we have been dating for close to two years and everything was going on fine between us until my younger sister who’s been in the US arrived. The minute I introduced Dave to her when he came visiting, I knew something was wrong. Now, my sister is way finer than me and my guy is a really charming man, just the type Maureen (my sister) likes. Believe it or not, I strongly suspect the two are already seeing each other. They call each other and sometimes, Maureen now passes Dave’s message to me claiming he’s been trying to call me but couldn’t get through. I am so scared and confused, Wale, I fear Maureen might take my man away from me. What do I do now? Please, I beg you, don’t publish my number. Thanks….from Kemi.
MY DEAR KEMI, this is really a tricky one, it requires extreme caution. You need to be very careful, be cock sure your suspicions are true before you accuse these two people who are very close to you of having an affair. You don’t want to imagine what would happen if it turns out you’re wrong. For all you know, they may just be fond of each other. I could even detect some glint of complex from the tone of your message. You obviously believe your sister is ‘way finer’ than you and so has the physical attributes to take away from you any man she so desires. You must get this sort of thought out of your head and begin to see yourself as not just an equally beautiful woman, but one who’s fully capable of keeping her man away from any woman unless you choose to let him go. Seriously, you must address your low self esteem. Meanwhile, you could nicely mention to Dave that you would appreciate it if he directly discusses with you as against sending your sister to you. Until you have very clear proof, you must not accuse them of anything. If you do and it back fires, you may not be able to deal with the consequences.
DOCTOR LOVE, can you help me? I have a lady in my life whom I love so much, but the problem I’m having with the relationship is her ex! The guy simply will not let her be. He finds every reason to call her, to see her and even keeps in touch with my woman’s siblings and yet she says its over between them! What do I do, Wale, this situation is driving me crazy.
MY BROTHER, I can understand your fears. Everyone feels this way whenever an ex flame that should’ve been dead and buried suddenly makes a return and starts throwing spanners into the works for you. It can be really frustrating. But I’d like to think that it all boils down to the woman involved. If you trust her and she has her head screwed on tight to know that she’d be asking for trouble if she gives her ex too many liberties, then there’s nothing to worry about. It won’t be totally out of order though if you could also speak with your woman and let her know how uncomfortable with the situation, but be careful not to begin to show traits of a man that’s feeling terribly insecure. Most women don’t like that.. It might seem amusing and pleasing to them at first when they realize you actually love them enough to feel jealous over their closeness with a male friend. But when it begins to get out of hand, they start showing irritation. Once you’re certain to a large extent, all you need to do is talk about it and let her know how you feel.
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