Doctor Love, please help me. I have been in a relationship with a man for over two years now. Things have been going on smoothly between us. But after I told my pastor about him and prayed about it, he said the man and I are not compatible, that we will have problems if we get married, so I started withdrawing slowly from the guy. It was not easy for me because we loved each other so much and he could do anything for me, but I had to obey my pastor. Now, the new guy I’m dating, and whom my pastor says I am compatible with spiritually, is not even showing me the kind of care and attention my former guy shows me. If I don’t call him, he won’t call me, yet he demands money from me all the time. Meanwhile, my former guy still calls me.. What do I do, sir, please help me, I still love my former guy and I miss him so much…..
—Helen, Abuja
DEAR HELEN, I have taken my time to go through your message. I have always had my reservations about pastors dabbling into relationships. It’s okay for a man to say to you, ‘go and pray about it and ask God to show you signs the guy is the man meant for you or not.’ But when they tell you categorically, ‘no, he’s not good for you, then, you begin to wonder if they really saw anything. Truth is that a lot of times, they may not have received any message from God concerning the man, but they will tell you, God said no, he’s not the one for you. I will advise you follow your heart. If you still love your former guy, pray about it and ask God to show you signs that he’s the one for you. As for the new guy, there’s no point hanging onto a man that’s already showing you clearly that he does not care much about your feelings or well being. I don’t have to be a pastor to know that he is a ‘no. no’ for you.
Please, Doctor Love, I need your help. I am a young man of 28 years. I am an IT consultant and a Christian. I worship with one of the small Pentecostal churches and handle some of their IT issues for them. The church is a nice place of worship but my problem is the wife of the pastor. She has been on my neck asking for a relationship. She is about my age while the pastor of the church (her husband) is close to forty. She is a very pretty, young babe and her husband is equally good looking but I know what her problem is. They have no child yet and she has been showing it too much and making it obvious to people around that she likes and this makes me very uncomfortable. She says she will give me money and support me whenever I call on her to do so. Days ago, she asked that I meet her somewhere private. What should I do, sir? Should I meet with her or turn her down? My name is Kingsley.
KINGSLEY!! Please, do not let me shout your name a second time before you start making plans to change your place of your worship. From what I’m seeing, this lady will not let you be until she gets both of you into trouble. She could be having marital issues with her husband or she’s just a terribly promiscuous lady, either way, the solution to her problem does not lie with you. That lady needs serious help. Maybe she needs deliverance and the husband, her pastor, does not even know this. Listen to me, Kingsley, run, run, run away from this woman as far as your legs can carry you and that includes leaving that church. Look for another where you can worship your God without any Jezebel trying to get you into trouble. A word, they say, is enough for the wise.
DOCTOR WALE, I have a problem and I need your help to solve it. There is this guy whom I have been dating for about eight months now. We met through a mutual friend. Our relationship took off faster than I planned because he was practically all over me. He never gave me a breathing space, always calling to check up on me and wanting to take me out on a date. And before I knew what was happening, I had fallen in love with him. There is hardly a weekend that we do not spend together and a lot of his friends are already used to me. But lately, he just changed. He no longer spends time with me like he used to and does not call me as he used to when we first started. Even sex between us has dropped greatly. I have asked him repeatedly if there is a problem or there’s something I have done to offend him but he says there’s no such thing, that he’s just been under pressure with work. I know he’s lying, he’s not under any work pressure. But do you think he‘s already tired of the relationship so soon? Is he trying to dump me? Has he found another woman? Please, help me.
MY DEAR, you did not even mention your name, neither did you give me your age so I have an idea how mature you are. Listen, yours is not really as straightforward as you think. The truth of the matter is, only your guy can tell us what the problem is. He may not have found another woman as you suspect, it could be something you said or did that he is probably not ready to talk about. And yes, there could be another woman in his life. And he could also be going through a difficult phase that he does not want to share with you. So, it could be anything. I will advise that you give him a bit more time, whatever the problem is, you will find out soon. If he’s tired of the relationship or there’s another woman, you will find out sooner or later because he will definitely become irritated if you insist on sorting things out with him rather than walking away if that’s what’s on his mind. Don’t push him, don’t fight him, just hang in there. Call him up, send him messages and check up on him at home, soon, everything will fall in know where you stand. Good luck, dear.
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