Oyinda stared at her five-year-old as she walked away innocently, she felt something within her.
Was it anger?
Was it frustration?
Was it fear?
Was it hatred?
She did not even know exactly what it was she felt. She was angry, angry that an adult would say such a thing to a five-year-old. Why would any grown-up come to the conclusion that a child would turn out bad because her parents are getting a divorce? She wanted to reach out to her phone and call Precious. She wanted to yell at her so badly, a part of her wanted to grab her car keys and drive to her house and shake Precious and her husband.
She felt frustrated, she wish she could change things, she wished she could turn back the hands of time. She was wishing for so many things, wishing David wasn’t hitting her and the children, wishing David did not file for divorce, wishing David was ready to see a therapist, wishing some things had never happened, the more she thought about these things the more frustrated she became.
She felt fear for the first time since the divorce case started she had all sorts of feelings but fear wasn’t certainly part of it but today, Oyinda said to herself “ I am scared”. She was scared for her children, they were so many questions running through her head, through her mind.
“How will they cope in school?”
“ How will they cope in life?”
“Should she move to a new environment where no one knew them?”
“Should she start looking for a new school for her children?”
“How will she raise them to be able to face the world and not be defensive?”
Yes, she was free from his beating, her children were free from his beating, she was free from walking on eggshells around the house, she slept well now, she was off sleeping pills for good, she wasn’t scared of driving home straight from work anymore, she wasn’t scared of so many things anymore. it felt like all of these things left and opened the door for fear to come in. fear of the unknown, fear of the future.
She desperately needed to talk to someone. She picked up her phone and began to go through her contacts, she was even more confused. Her bestie of over twenty years had ‘ghosted’ her, she called her nevertheless, that was the only person who understood her, that was the only person she felt safe sharing her secrets, fears and sometimes her insecurities with, that was the only person she could bare it all with.
Surprisingly Bimbo picked up, and Oyinda was too happy. Just as she was about to start talking she burst into tears. She couldn’t find the words to express herself. She was happy she picked up. Two minutes into the conversation, she still wasn’t saying anything.
Bimbo told her “ Oyin, I’m coming over”. Oyinda was not sure whether to believe it or not. she wanted to believe Bimbo would come over but after the last time, she wasn’t sure what to believe. She cried harder when Bimbo hung up. She went back to bed, and began crying again…. then she hears Bimbo’s voice “where is that cry cry baby?”.
She jumped out of bed and ran to the door like a six-year-old whose favourite auntie just arrived, when she opened the door Bimbo was there, she had been crying too. She heard the kids arguing in the living room, she even brought her kids over. Bimbo pulled her back into the room and made her sit on the bed.
‘Oyin, I know I have offended you but please forgive me.” Oyinda reaches out to her to hug her “Bimbo, I forgive you.” She giggled and then tapped her shoulder and said “I miss you”
“So what has been happening to you?” Bimbo asked.
Oyinda gives her the full gist, church, work and finally what Precious’s husband told their daughter. She talked about her fear, and frustration and how she is trying to come to the acceptance of her new reality. they both cried, laughed, and teased. She felt so relieved something she hasn’t felt in months.
Finally, Oyinda summoned up the courage to ask Bimbo why she hadn’t reached out all this while. Bimbo gave a deep sigh and said “Wale, he believed you did not tolerate David enough, he said he feels you wanted freedom desperately and felt you would be a bad influence on me.” I told him that you are my best friend and this is not the time to judge you. it is my job to stand by you, when your call came in I knew I just had to come over……..
THE REALITY
“Pause and remember – When you fight reality, you will lose every time. Once you accept the situation for what it truly is, not what you want it to be, you are then free to move forward.”~ Jennifer Young
The reality at this stage is totally different and just like the above quote, you lose every time you refuse to accept reality. Thinking that things will just go on as nothing changed is living in denial, I am not saying that you should sit down and wallow in self-pity or start looking at starting a pity party. it is easy to move on and move forward when you accept reality.
As a Single Mum, you need someone to talk to, someone who would listen to you without judging. Someone who will be ready to walk with you and hold your hands. You can’t walk it alone. Please note that you can’t talk to just anyone no matter how close kindly discern in your heart who that person will be. it could even be a therapist or a coach just make sure you talk to someone…
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