The Certified Life Coach REVEALS
What draws men and women to each other in a relationship? What etches the image of a marriage partner on the other’s mind, such that wherever they are, all they can think of is being with each other as soon as possible?
Let’s begin with the Men. What does a typical husband want from you, as his wife? First, you must learn to look and feel good for yourself. You do not have to be reminded to take care of yourself. It is part of being responsible to take care of you. Keep what attracted you to your husband alive to keep him glued to you. Plan your schedules with your husband in mind. Do not have a schedule that will keep sapping your energy and leaving you empty to run your home. Train your children as well to be responsible. Create time for each other and do not allow another person to take your time. Also, plan your finances properly. Do not give what you do not have; do not live for people. Live for yourself. Sometimes, the ones (extended family and friends) you are running around for are busy enjoying themselves.
Why must it be you suffering and making all the money for them! Whatever time you invest affects your marriage; so, plan it well for your marriage not to suffer. And if you are a receiver, do not take the giver for granted; they have worked hard to make that money, no matter what your expectations are.
As an adult, be responsible. Do your responsibilities as a woman. Do not delegate your responsibility to a maid. Plan your home and be willing to help your spouse. This will help in sex, as sex goes beyond the act itself; it starts from earlier in the day. Know what your husband like. Be spontaneous; be fun to each other. Be willing to teach as well, to talk about stuff Sometimes, you may need a counselor to help you straighten out issues; at other times, you both Just need to have a heart-to-heart talk. Create time for your husband and for your children, for your home as a whole. Some men complain about their wives being dirty and unkempt. You shouldn’t be one of such women.
Below is a specific list of what men say they want from their wives. Please, note that the list was not written from my point of view, but from the opinions of thousands of men over a period of seventeen years, both in surveys and intervlews. I asked these men to write down the top ten things they wanted in a marriage partner. So, this is an aggregate of what they said. By the way, the respondents were men between the ages of 20 to 94 years, and from all walks of life. 75% of these men attended church/ mosque regularly and 30% out of the 75% were religious leaders or workers.
(1) A man wants sexual fulfillment. (2) He wants a friend and an active playate. (3) He wants an attractive/pretty wife. (4) He wants an intelligent wife. (5) He wants a woman of moral virtue. (6) He wants a committed wife. (7) He wants a wife with a sense of humor. (8) He wants a wife he can totally trust. (9) He wants admiration. (10) He wants an honest wife.
Please, take this seriously. These tips are from my notes for my Master’s students (Marriage and Family). Much of this survey and interviews came from the pain, agony, and success stories of hundreds of people that I have known over a period of seventeen years as a Counselor/Sex Therapist. They are precious people like you and me and have battled through the same crises that I have faced personally or you are now facing.
WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS IN A MAN
Really! What do women want? This was one of the most challenging surveys and interviews I ever did. I realized that what women of different age groups want from their men are not the same, unlike the men. (We are truly so complicated). Most women did not even know what they wanted from their men!
One good reason it is very difficult to understand women is because of the way women process thoughts
and emotions, which is drastically different from their male counterparts. One of the key differences between men and women as I have reviewed over a period of time is that women use emotions to process thoughts as their basis for decision-making – 30% more than men do. They both use their intuition, but in different ways. Men tend to bond through shared activities but women bond through sharing thoughts and feelings.
Most women have experienced a man mysteriously closing up and withdrawing. One minute he seems
available and the next he is emotionally gone. Without a doubt, it seems women generally are more interested in relationships than men, and that really is the truth. When a woman feels her man is giving less to their relationship, it is not only frustrating but depressing as well. This note is for men about women, the woman you love, the one who loves you, the woman who drives you crazy, and the one you drive crazy. It is about what women actually want from men.
After countless interviews, surveys and counseling, I was able to get the following pointers from women. Women cherish:
(1) Godliness:they want a man who loves and fears God and can be the spiritual head of the home.
(2) Romance:not necessarily sex.
(3) Communication: they want a true friend and soul-mate who they can comfortably bare their mind to without being judged.
(4) Confidence:they want a confident man, especially one that would not be threatened about thier success (leadership, independence, strength, power and self-esteem).
(5) Women want men with a sense of humor (fun).
(6) Women want security (responsibility/provision).
(7) Women want good looks (attraction and protection).
(8) Women want honesty/faithfulness.
(9) Women want a sensitive and caring man/family man.
(10) Women want Respect.
Most importantly, every couple must realize that, for marriage to be long-term and go the distance, it must be grounded in more than a piece of paper. It requires the supernatural merging of lives and the binding of hearts. Marriage is designed to be the most sacrificial of all relationships. It is God’s blueprint towards meeting our primal craving to be truly known by someone, to build a deeply committed relationship, based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. And this exactly is what God meant in Genesis 2:24, when He said, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
The moment you said, “I do” to each other, you were meant to leave every other person outside of your
comfort and love triangle. To enjoy a marital life with fulfilling sexual bliss, you must leave everyone and everything behind and cleave with each other.
Think about what made you fall in love with your partner and talk about it. Remember the tingly feeling you had when you first became husband and wife? You thought all day about him returning home from work and your stomach did tiny flips as you gave each other a kiss or a touch. During sex, you felt like you might melt into each other’s bodies and never wanted to separate. Then, fast forward to the present moment: you enjoy the deep affection you and your partner share, but the fires of your initial passion have become more of a slow burn.
Sex is about what is happening on the inside, not how we look on the outside. Maybe kids, career, or simple boredom have taken their toll. If you have found yourself asking, “How soon will it be over?” or” not tonight again!” your relationship is probably due for a tune-up. Let’s see how to go about this!
