What My Husband Told Me Just Before He Died

• DURO LADIPO’s Widow, OYA, Tells City People

In those good old days, Theatre icon, Chief Duro Ladipo was very popular. His widow, Oya was also well known. She acted in practically all his epic plays and performances, all over the world. They were like 5 and 6. Since Chief Duro Ladipo passed on 46 years ago, Mama has been living a quiet life in Ibadan, in the same house they lived together as husband and wife. And she still plays a more than passing interest in the Theatre/Movie Industry.

A few days back, City People visited her and we spent quality time with this strong woman of the Theatre. We found her in high spirit. She looks refreshingly young.

We got her to tell us the story of her life and how what she misses most about her husband.

“Thank you for your visit. I am in good health. All is well with me. This year March, marks 46 years that my husband passed on. And I have continued to live in this house, with my God and my husband who has not left this house.

He is still in this house with me. He has not left here. He still lives here with me. I have noticed so many things that makes me know, that truly Papa Duro Ladipo is still in this house. He did not go anywhere. And he said it before he passed on. He has kept to his word. I thank God for his life. I thank him for keeping to his word that he will continue to stay with me.

A lot of the men of God have been telling me that he is with God. That he is doing well with God.

That is why I keep telling people that Tradition & Culture (Asa) is not the same as Religion (Esin). Many people don’t know this. Omoluabi is what we use to lift high the name and image of our country.

But what you worship is your God. Asa la wa nse, Olorun ni emi nsin.

Many don’t know that my husband’s father (my father-in-law) was a Pastor in his lifetime. He was a Pastor. My husband also believed in all that. He likes the Piano. He played Piano in church.

“I thank God for the life of my children. That is what they follow. That was the path I introduced to them and they are following it till today, and they also know about our Tradition and Culture (Asa). Arole Asa is my son that you normally talk to.

Whenever she sits down and looks back and reflects on her life with the late Duro Ladipo, what comes to her mind. “A lot”, she says. “I thank God. I am keeping to the promise I made to him before he passed on. I have kept to the promise we made to each other. Adeun (Promise). He said I should continue to live in this house and that I should take a good care of his children. He said God will help me take care of them, I now said where will you be? That was my response to him. I said where will you now be? That was my reply to him when he said so.

Of course, I didn’t know what was coming. I was just saying my own. Omode ni mi, mi o ni aya a kebo je. I don’t know how people die. I didn’t know what was coming.

After he passed on, I now remembered our discussion. I now remembered all we said to each other. I now remembered what he said to me.

My husband is a Great man. He is a man with a Great history, great pedigree. I never knew that my husband was an Abiku, before I married him. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that the Duro means he should stay and not go. We were discussing one day and he told me. He said by nature I am inquisitive. I like to know all things. I like to ask questions. In those days, I used to ask him questions to get to know a lot about him. We were talking one day and I kept asking all sorts of questions, like, why is this like this? Why does he do this? Why does he do that? He now told me the story. I didn’t know that those called Duro are Abiku. I did not know. He taught me so many things. I learnt a lot from him. He told me his mum had him 11 times before he now stayed back. I was shocked. I stood up. He now held on to me and said now that I know, what do I want to do now. We both laughed it off. We laughed and laughed. I now became humbled. I now went home to go and ask Maami, my mum, and she said what do I mean?

Don’t I know that those who bear Duro are Abiku. I told her I didn’t know.

I just thought that Duro was a shortened form of Oladuro or Adeduro or some thing like that. Since that time, I began to respect him. I realised he was a special human being. I began to take him more serious. I knew he was special person.

So, since his passing I have kept to the agreement I had with him to remain loyal and faithful to him, even in death.

He told me specifically to make sure I remain in this house and I shouldn’t change my ways, and that God will be with me.”

He said our children will take care of me. All the predictions he made about our children have come to pass. He said one of them would go and live abroad and truly one of them is there”.

“I miss him so much. Whenever I remember him, I always think back to the good old days, because he took Great Care of me. He was always pampering me. He was all over me. He was special”.

Is that why she didn’t remarry after her husband died? “Yes. Why should I? I had an agreement with my husband to continue to live in this house and focus on my children.

And I promised to do that. That is why I refused all the offers from men who wanted to marry me. I told them I am not interested. There are times I sit down on my own and I ask myself the question: who can be like Duro? Ta ni o le se be Duro? There is No man. I don’t want Wahala. I don’t want to go and get myself involved in any wahala. Ta ni o se bi Duro? Ko si.

They want me to now start all over again and be following one man who will come and scatter my family and cause problems. There is no man that can take care of me like Duro did. He knows me well. He went to find out about me. He did his research. And my parents told him about me. How precious I am to them. They told him he has to take good care of me.

And he did. He was always taking care of me. he was always pampering me. Many people were envious of how he took care of me. If he goes out somewhere, and they serve him food, he will bring my own.

He will package meat for me. Many people will quarel with him that he is over pampering me. They will ask him, how can you be over pampering your wife like this?

He will usually tell them to leave him alone. He will tell  them they don’t know how special I am to him. He loved me.

Once I remember all these I will miss him. He usually buys things in bags. If he travels he will come back with vegetables, meat, garri all in big bags. He will buy everything I need, everything I want. He usually stocks up the house with food. No problem.”

So, I felt special. He treated me in a very special way”.

How easy was it for him to marry her? “Haaaa! It was tough. Before he married me he did a lot. He tried his best. It was tough”. Why? “My father said I should not marry anybody outside our town.

My dad knows how I was born. O mo ori ite, ni mi. Nobody can take care of me like my parents did. My dad says he doesn’t want to lose me. I am the 1st born in my family. It took a lot my dad to allow me marry him. One thing that made me marry him was because he did not hide anything away from me. He told me his story. He opened up to me”.

“That is what I tell children of nowadays before you marry, don’t hide anything away from each other. Be open with each other.

My advice to the young ones is that don’t hide anything away from whoever you want to marry, because what you have told him or her is what will make him or her marry you.

Before we got married, he told me everything about him, his challenges, his tribulations, his ups and downs, what he has been through.”

“I now sympathised with him. That was it. I felt so bad for him. I decided I was going to help him. I was going to complement him. I was going to marry him. I thought about everything and I said, wow, why should a man go through all these, afterall God made you. You are a human being. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be supported. You deserve all the love.”

One day, after he told me his story, I held on to his hands, and I said okay, my dear, I will be there for you. I will support you all the way. That was it.