•TV Host, KIKELOMO ATANDA-OWO
TV Host, Kikelomo Atanda-Owo released her second book into the market this November. Her first book which detailed her experiences in toxic marriages was a natural bestseller. Now, she aims to replicate the feat with her second book, which has started to enjoy rave reviews. A media entrepreneur par excellence, Kike recently spoke to City People’s Contributing Editor, IYABO OYAWALE. Enjoy the excerpts!
You published a book in September 2021, what do you hope to achieve with the book?
I have realized that every human being has a role to play in imparting our world. With what God has given to the individual and with whatever the individual has achieved personally in terms of life experience and career, he has to give back to the world. My first book; “Unbroken” was a narrative of my past and it was majorly about my marriages, my relationships and the torrid experiences I had with people.
How has the response to the book been?
The second book titled “Daily Quotes Book” is a compilation of thoughts, reflections and daily experience on the social, philosophical and worldly affairs. With my publications, I intend to inspire people, motivate people, reorientate people to see life from divergent perspectives.
It has been amazing. The acceptance has been unbelievable. Top shots, big guns in the society and intellectuals have praised the effort and they have further recommended them as resource points for those experiencing marital challenges, self- realization, career development and personal life motivation.
How do you juggle hosting your talk show, Real Talk with Kike with other things you do as the CEO of Z-Edge Ltd?
Juggling both has been interesting for me though exigent because of the clashes. There are times I have to make local trips out of Lagos and at the same time, ensure that both sides are not shortchanged in terms of production and demands. Juggling both has its dividends in terms of merits and demerits.
All the same, as an entrepreneur, you have to learn to multi-task and how both can be intertwined. Specifically, RealTalkwithKike stems from media production and Z-Edge Consulting is from corporate management and training perspective. From core expertise, there are resources and engagements with capacity to infuse my capacity for both.
What does Z-Edge Ltd do?
Z-Edge Consulting is a firm that specializes in event management, corporate training, organization positioning, strategic market planning, vendor relations and supply chain consultancy. My company has both local and international presence and I am proud to have provided professional services to government agencies, multinationals, and private bodies.
What goal would you say your talk show is meant to achieve?
RealTalkwithKike is a live talkshow that traverses contemporary topics and issues of national and global relevance. Distinctly, the live talkshow is fashioned and designed to achieve a collaborative participation among stakeholders and the public beyond the conventional talkshow practice. Frequently, it bridges the gaps between the government, the politicians, industry captains and the public on national and industry policies, allowing them to a positive debate on initiatives ranging from economy to politics to health, education, tourism, aviation, etc.
How do you handle the invitation of guests on the show and what do you do when a guest who earlier agreed to come is unable to make it?
That is the crux of my job. That is a frequent turf I deal with and more of an envisaged aspect in facilitating a guest. It is frustrating to be honest, but, there is an expertise to it. That is the aspect of human relations. I use my emotional and psychological intelligence to manage guests. I know when they intend to decline and I know how well to manage them to appearing. In 3 years plus of my return to media, it’s been God’s grace.
You have been in the media industry for over a decade, what has your experience been like?
Reversion to media should have been a decision I should have taken like 5 years back. However, it is worth the ride. I never felt disappointed in exploring and navigating different career waters. The major difference between media then and now is the evolution and the role of technology. Social media and ICT is an aspect of technology that reshaped the media profession. The turf of readjustment was mainly acclimatizing myself with social media applications of media practice. Overall, the experience is interesting, challenging and promising. I’m pulling my wits and attaining feats like others haven’t done.
Before you started your own business, you were doing well in a senior management position but you decided to get into entrepreneurship. Why did you take the leap?
As a senior vice president, I was doing well career wise and income-wise. However, I wanted personal growth and I needed to have a feel of being a boss of my own company. I had surfed the deep ends of my career and sat with top executives of different organizations but I needed to sit in my own capacity. I needed to grow and nurture what belonged to me. I needed to put my name and brand to an organization. Hence, my own company came naturally and timely. For those who invest their time in the growth of the organizations of others deserve to nurture theirs as well.
You spoke about your toxic marriage experience in your book. What would you advise women who find themselves in toxic marriages do?
I would advise them to keep their head afloat. To use their brains and not their emotions. To weigh their pros and cons. No same shoe fits all. Our circumstances are as peculiar as our challenges. Mine may warrant taking an approach while the next person’s may require another approach. However, when marriages become as toxic as costing us our mental state of wellbeing, our sanity and our lives, I have no other advice but to tell the person to exit, whether it be a man or a woman. When such marriages become physically abusive, morally abusive and you realize it is not a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence, my dear sister, leave before your life leaves you.
You got out but most of our women lack the courage to get out. How do you think this courage can be built?
My previous answers have addressed the circumstances that can warrant a leave. You can’t leave your marriage for foolish and undeserving reasons. If you must leave and you must find courage, the courage is at our finger tips. Just realize what would happen when your children become motherless or they become orphans! Think of what happens to your parents and what is left of their joy when you run insane or die prematurely. I think you’ll find your courage from those answers of mine.
How did your marital experience affect or shape your world view?
It shaped it into a different thing entirely. A big lesson I can say is that life has no template and so is marriage, as it has no manual, but there are rules, regulations and repercussions of our actions. Nonetheless, marriage has made know that people are different and finding a partner goes beyond love. So, sustaining marriage is also complex.
Why do you think women go into toxic relationships and marriages?
Hmm! It is strange. The fact remains that nobody would love to go into a toxic relationship, be it a woman or a man. However, for ladies, I think the major cause of going into toxic relationships is ignoring the red flags. Nothing makes ladies ignore red flags more than emotional stupidity. Most ladies end up in toxic relationships because they go along with the saying “he will change”, “look at me or my background, he won’t do that to me,” and “he wasn’t like that before”, “ he only just beat me because I provoked him” and all sorts of nonsense that is being said. Toxic relationships have nothing positive but negativity and pure negative vibes.
However, some go into toxic relationships because they don’t take out time to study the men. They go into relationships too fast and by so doing, lose out on details that need to be observed. Some date for weeks or months and are lucky but I think one of my vices is that I allow the men rush me into marriage. As a result, I don’t see many things but, I am more logical now, which I believe is due to experience and maturity. Even colleagues at the office need time to really bond, how much more marriage partners? Marriage is an Institution with ideal need for compatibility and peaceful coexistence.
How did you transcend that experience in your life to be able to survive and thrive?
With the practical experience that I have gained till today, I don’t consider myself restrained. I have evolved. My existence is NOT VALIDATED BY A MAN. I think I have come to the point of understanding that women need to know what fits them when it comes to marriage. I am more career-driven at this time. A man would NOT VALIDATE ME BUT COMPLEMENT ME. Now, I kind of believe in polygamy. Even monogamy has its issues. I can’t take away the credit that a few are enjoying their monogamy. For me, my career takes the centre stage. The society has evolved and the successful woman is always questioned “Who’s her husband?” and all sorts, attaching her success to a man. Right now, I believe in the institution called marriage and I don’t mind being the 10th wife, lol, but you know what I mean. My experience makes my journey different. I have a fantastic career working for me. Thank God, but, I still believe that every woman should have her Ori-Ade. I mean her own man and king. For every woman or lady out there, they should realize themselves first. Self-recognition is key. Women need to recognize their WORTH, THEIR SELF-ESTEEM. THEIR SELF_WORTH. Women should know what they bring to the table in a marriage. Women should have a life of their own before being defined by marriage or a partner. This brings respect for them.
Is there hope for women who experience difficult marriages, domestic violence, and abusive spouses?
Women see and ignore red flags. There are no second chances to red flags sometimes. If he has abused you physically and domestically, that is a red flag. There is no way we won’t see these red flags during courtship or getting to know each other. Women should address this before getting into marriage. Per adventure, this is not seen but becomes manifest in marriage, women have hope. I tell people that it is better to stay alive for yourself, your family and your kids, rather than die for a man out of ignorance and folly. We all have perfect examples of those that have died from domestic violence year in year out. Their lessons are enough for us to learn.
Would you marry again if given the opportunity?
Yes. I am a believer of love. The institution of love and marriage is one of the greatest in the world. It is this institution that gave birth to families and companionship.
