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Media Icon, FUNKE EGBEMODE
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Celebrates 30 Yrs Of Her Column
If you are an avid reader of relationship articles, especially one that profoundly seeks for useful tips and advice via single and Married columns, then you must know Funke Egbemode. You simply can’t miss her, particularly if you have been reading Nigerian journals long before the emergence of social media.
Funke Egbemode is not exactly a run-of-the-mill journalist. She is an all rounder. She is not just widely acknowledged as one of the best when it comes to writing about relationships, she is also incredibly knowledgeable and proficient when it comes to engaging political conversations, writing about life style and even the economy. And, without a shred of doubt, she is a damn good writer. If truth be told, not too many can hold a candle close to Funke Egbemode, she is in a class all by herself. This is why today, she is one hugely accomplished journalist with an impressive wealth of experience under her belt.
Funke Egbemode started with the defunct but hugely successful Prime People magazine as a Staff writer. She joined The Punch newspapers in 1993 and left in 2000 to become Editor of The Post Express on Saturday. She went on to become Associate Editor of This Day, Editor of the Saturday Independent and Editor of the Sunday Sun. Funke was also a two term President of the Nigeria Guild of Editors. In 2019, she was appointed Commissioner for Information and Civic Orientation by former Osun State governor, Adegboyega Oyetola.
Last week, City People Senior Editor, WALE LAWAL (08037209290) engaged this very brilliant and articulate lady who, by the way, still looks fabulous for a mother of well raised grown up children who are already adults themselves. She spoke about her early days in journalism and how she developed the passion to create her remarkably popular and widely followed column, Intimate Affairs. This red hot column, which dwells wholly on relationships has been running for close to 31 years. Women read it religiously, it’s like their little guide book to helping them navigate through their stormy relationships and see through the many games men play to short change women in relationships. Her no holds barred kind of style and ability to write with no tongue in cheek stands well above her peers well above in the industry. The interview is vintage Funke Egbemode, they certainly don’t come any better these days. Enjoy excerpts.
It’s been thirty long, beautiful years of Intimate Affairs. Looking back, how fulfilled do you feel with this milestone you’ve achieved?
I’ll say it’s been a beautiful journey, and I’ll say that I’m fulfilled. When you write and you make an impact, and even you can feel the impact, it’s very humbling, very rewarding. It makes you want to continue to do what you’re doing. Looking back, I see that even though it started out as just something I had passion for, talking about relationships, cracking jokes about it, drawing the attention of men to what they’re doing right, and what they’re doing wrong, and generally contributing my quota to relationships, making marriages better and all that, I would say it’s very fulfilling. When I introduce myself at very small gatherings, or even big gatherings, and everyone is like “is that you?”, “oh, is this you?”, I was expecting someone really big, someone flamboyant, and you know, the kind of people that I’ve found out, read my pieces, it’s very humbling, because, for me, what I set out to do was “maybe a few people will read it, maybe those who are going through a bad patch will see that they’re not alone on the journey”, but I’ve seen that it has opened doors for people to let out whatever is bothering them. People call me for counsel, people in big places call me to ask for permission to reproduce it, for church bulletin, some ask – can they quote from it, can I allow them to use it as part of a book. Sometimes, I’ve also seen topics that I’ve written about being used as a theme for movies, and all of that. So, it’s been really beautiful, but the one that shocked me, about ten or twelve years ago, was when I received in the mail, unsolicited, a copy of a graduate’s thesis done on the column. Somebody actually used what I’ve been writing as topic in a university thesis, I didn’t know the person, I never met the person who wrote it, but he mailed a copy of the thesis to me for his graduate work.
It’s really humbling to see that my work has been reproduced for church bulletins, it’s been part of thesis, it’s been commented on. I walked into a room of very senior professionals of a major Nigerian Educational Agency, and the registrar just mentioned my topic for that weekend, and said “ah, here she comes”, it’s been quite interesting, quite rewarding, and it gives me the push to go on.
I’m wondering whether some particular incidents inspired you to start writing about relationships at the time, I mean, beyond just wanting to write about relationships, were there a few things that happened around you with some of your friends, girlfriends, female colleagues that probably nudged you on wanting to do something in the direction of Intimate Affairs?
Every writer, no matter what you’re writing, is influenced by his or her environment, by what he or she has personally experienced. And then, there’s societal influence on you, and others around you, so definitely it’s a daily thing. Everything around me inspires me, makes me want to write, it gives me topics. If you’re going to do something consistently, you have to study, you have to research, you have to listen, you have to be very observant about everything that is going on that is related to what you write. So, for me, it could be an innocuous comment. In the days that I used to ride on the Molue from Idumota to Onipetesi, when I was in Punch, people will come into the bus, those mobile pharmacies that’ll come and advertise all kinds of things, while we would laugh, I would find the topic funny, somebody will come into the bus and start advertising a special oil that’ll make your husband love you more, that’ll make men find you more attractive, and then, they’ll start giving out this oil in the Molue to the passengers, and I realized that people would actually stretch their hands to get this Love Potion, so I wrote about Love Potion. I would see a marriage going bad, or someone talking about how well her husband behaves, and because we’re in the newsroom, and there are not many women among us, I also got to listen to a lot of talks on women, on wives, on girlfriends. I remember a colleague once looked at me from across the newsroom, and then, looked at these young, beautiful, brilliant ladies that have come for I.T. He looked at me and said “Funke, look at them calling me out of retirement”, and I said “watch it, you’re married”, he said it again, “see them, they’re calling me out of retirement”. That tells you that, no matter how nice, how devoted men are to their families, they get distracted by nice waists, big boobs, nice hips, and then, it’ll trigger a topic, and I’ll write about it. It could be something I would hear in the salon, it could be anything, and now, it’s a lot easier because I have more time to focus on different environments that’ll push topics into my head. You go on Facebook, and you’re laughing at a joke, but I also make sure to learn a lesson from it.
I just listened to a podcast where somebody was talking about how single mothers are going to be taken advantage of, in this week, preceding resumption of schools. It was quite interesting, and I’ll keep thinking about how it affects everybody. I draw on everybody’s experience, on personal experience, and sometimes, many people have also shared their experiences with me, and have said I could write about their experiences, I should just not mention their names, so, I share a lot of real life experiences in that column.
To be honest with you, I do not know too many columnists in Nigeria today, whether male or female, who have held a column that’s been running for thirty years like you have done. How have you been able to keep this on for thirty years, what has been the motivation? What has kept the passion in you to do this for thirty long years, burning?
At first I just wanted to write about interesting topics that touch everybody, whether you’re a politician, whether you’re rich or poor, whether you’re a leader or a follower, you’re in one relationship or the other. You’re either married or not married, you’re either widowed or divorced, it started just softly like that. But, these days I just want to help somebody see beyond the beauty or the sadness of the situation in their relationship. I just want to encourage somebody, to draw attention to issues, so you don’t feel alone in whatever you’re going through. I also try to make people laugh. You have to be able to laugh at yourself, laugh at your situation, don’t take it too seriously. Whatever you’re going through, you’ll be shocked that your neighbour is going through something worse, so be encouraged. Your man is not the worst, your woman is not the worst, you can work through any relationship. I just want to help the next person feel as part of a community, that is walking the same path with them, and how we can also do better in marriages, in relationships, and raise better generation for tomorrow.
Several years back when I started reading your pieces, one of the first things that crossed my mind was “this lady must have given a lot of men a run for their money in her younger days. Before you got married, men would have felt intimidated by your all-revealing write-ups on men’s various antics and styles at getting at women, because they’ll be like “how else can I lie to this lady, because she already knows everything”. You know when they want to come for you, and they’re trying to go round and round, and you can already spot them from a mile off.
Those who are intimidated would stay away, and I got married pretty early, I got married before I was 25. I’m the daughter of two teachers, so, there’s a laid down guideline, there’s a path you’re supposed to follow. I’m also the first of six children, so, my parents were very strict with how I conduct and comfort myself, so that it wouldn’t negatively affect those coming behind me. The way I was brought up was “you go to the university, do whatever you need to do, you could go for a masters degree, if you want to, but once your service is over, we should start looking out for a wedding date”, so, I just worked for a year plus, then I got married. I also knew who I wanted, and where I was headed, so those who were intimidated didn’t show up. Those who wanted to take advantage of me showed up, but, like I always say “you can only take advantage of a woman if she’s game”, so, don’t think you’re getting from her, and she’s getting nothing. Women always get something from their relationships, we always have our heads screwed on tight. When we’re teenagers we could be all about the love and poems, flowers, perfumes and gifts, and chocolates, but, as we grow older, we do better and we’re not as naive as men think. Women are born smart, so, if we let down our guards it’s for a reason. So, once you get a woman to eat from your palms, please keep her there, don’t teach her what you don’t want her to learn, because, once she learns, you’re in trouble. So, all through life, men will want to take advantage, it’s okay, it’s part of being human, but, I don’t think it’s what I write alone that’ll influence a man. Yes, before I got married, those who were intimidated kept away, those who wanted to take advantage showed up, and we dealt with each other.
Tell me about the writers that influenced you when you first started, because, there’s no doubt about the fact that you’re a gifted writer, one of the most brilliant columnists I’ve come across. I know how mentally tasking it can be when you need to put out these pieces, week in, week out, and maintain certain standards and quality.
In the media, the one woman, one columnist that influenced me to write about relationships is Bunmi Shofola, and, like we say in the guild, Aunty Bunmi is a living ancestor, and she’s still writing, I don’t know for sure her age right now, but, I’m sure she’s closer to 80, than 70, and she still writes elegantly, she’s one of the greatest influences in the media for me. Then, being the daughter of two teachers, exposed me to books very early, so, I had world authors, creative authors, novelists, that I had been reading for years, since I was in secondary school. In primary school, I was reading a simplified edition Shakespeare, I was exposed to simplified editions of Charles Dickens, and all the Yoruba texts, I speak and write Yoruba well, because my father is also an author, I still have beside my bed, his book on Yoruba culture and tradition. I had all the authors of Mills and Boon, I virtually read all the titles of James Hadley Chase, then, I moved on to Sidney Sheldon, who, till today is still my favourite author, I like his short, sharp, witty sentences. I read my first Sidney Sheldon novel when I was 16, but, I quickly read as many of his works as I could, I read Jeffrey Archer, and basically all the Jackie Collins. I read widely, I love to read fiction, I still read fiction now, but, these days when you look around in the media, we’re writing more about politics. You see people comment about current issues, I have done my bit on that, I’ll return to it later, I’ve also had a book published on that – Conversations With My Country, which was a collection of some of my writings on political situations and events across the country, but, Bunmi Shofola inspired me, Toyin Omololu “Lipstick’ of Vanguard also inspired me, May Ellen Ezekiel of blessed memory, inspired me, but, the one editor who pushed me as much as to get out my head, and write, and do columns was Azubuike Ishiekwene, the current MD and editor-in-chief of Leadership Newspapers, he’s one huge mentor, and you’ll see the way he’s marketing his own book, where people like us came from. If you get “an Azu” to mentor you, he’ll mentor your career, you’ll also know that you’ve got a good person leading you by the hand.
Share with us a bit of your Prime People days, some will say those were some of the most interesting periods of Journalism in this part of the world. Those days that we had exciting publications, from Prime People, to Vintage, to Today’s Choice, to Fame. I wrote Mosun’s Diary for a while, myself, after the likes of KB and FAJ left. Could you take us through a bit of all those really beautiful period of Journalism? How was it like, back then? What are the very marked differences that we have now?
Prime People days were really memorable for me, I learnt hard-work, I learnt focus, I learnt politics of the newsroom too. What was there to learn, that wasn’t learnt? Nothing!
Prime People taught me that you career will live or die by your deadlines, so, if you cannot meet your deadlines, your bylines will disappear.
For instance, in Prime People, you’re supposed to come early to the office, go to the Library, and read all the papers of the day, the Nigerian ones. The magazine also subscribed to human interests, fashion and style magazines, and other serious magazines across the globe. So, you’ll do all the Vanguard, and Guardian, and Punch. Then, I’ll go and pick copies of National Enquirer, and all those foreign magazines, and I also used to subscribe to them. I also knew where to get the past copies in Ipodo, in Ikeja. In those days, you work all kinds of hours, I got used to sleeping in the office, you wear an overall, and be part of production. I actually, at some point, also helped sell the papers, when Prime People also diversified into community newspapering, and we had Ikeja Prime, so we would look for stories for Ikeja Prime, we would produce Ikeja Prime, and go under Ikeja bridge, to sell Ikeja Prime.
So, I was exposed to all the different phases of Journalism , of the newspaper business, it was very interesting. We looked forward to going to the office, you stay there for hours. You had inspiring and pushful editors, like Gboyega Okegbenro, Mr Funmi Coker-Onita , we were really pushed, and given opportunities to flourish.
I remember a particular night, I was covering a night club, I actually went to three night clubs in one night, because I was trailing a particular beauty queen. When I met her later in life, she was in a political office, we all had a good laugh, and I told her, I said “I trailed you from two night clubs, until you got to Night Shift”. Those night clubs no longer exist now, Night Shift, maybe, but the two other night clubs no longer exist. It was interesting, I covered night clubs, I covered customary courts I covered crime, had contacts in the Police Station so I could get my stories.
And if there were specific events, like when JC (John Chukwu) died, the owner of Klass Nite Club, we were all deployed there, you would have to find stories that are yours. You’ll have to go there and find your own story, you’ll sit at that place and try to interview those who’ll come in at the night club during the day. How did the place run, what kind of man was he, straight from those working there, the suppliers and everything, you know to guage the mood, write about what they’re saying, and all that, because you’re not going to be published, unless you’re bringing something that has not been brought, and that was very important. It was a lot of hard work, but it was very interesting, and it shaped my career, Prime People shaped my career.
After all these years, one would expect you to be looking a lot older than you actually look, how do you manage to look this good at this age?
Let’s just say that I inherited great genes, it’s not because I make a lot of efforts. I like to eat, I eat what I like, and there’s nothing I eat that any doctor has taken me off, except that I should eat more fish, and less meat, but I think I just inherited great genes. I think God has just been kind, I workout, but not as seriously as others do, but if I’m doing something that I shouldn’t do , my system simply kicks. Anybody that knew me in the newsroom, would know that I was always with a bottle of Coke, I like to drink Coca-Cola, and they said they should make me an ambassador, it’s because I carried it everywhere, but, suddenly my system just kicked. It doesn’t want so much Coke, so I just take a sip or two per day now, my body simply rejected it, and I drink more water now. I like to walk in the open, once I’m in a very safe environment, I like to walk in the open, with music in my ears. I like to dance too, since I can’t swim, I can dance, I dance in my room, dance is good exercise. In fact, if I’m at a friend’s party, I will dance, and I really don’t care who’s watching, if I feel like dancing. Dancing is something that even my mother told me that I’ve been doing quite early. I’m sure that if I wasn’t born to teachers, I probably would have taken dancing a lot more seriously. The same seriousness I gave to reading, I probably would have given to dancing. I really like to dance, I dance with my children, I dance in the house, and I dance at parties for friends. You know if you’re representing the Governor, you have to behave like the governor, so, if I’m representing a higher person, like my publisher, or a Governor, I try to be a bit measured with my dancing, but, when I’m with friends, I try to let down my hair, and dance. So, those are things I do, I eat moderately, I do not like alcohol at all. I do not drink alcohol, not even red wine. I inherited great genes, my father is almost 90, and he still drives himself without glasses, so let’s just say that I’m blessed by where I came from.
Maybe all your passion for dancing and stuff, must have helped too, because if you decide to sport a pair of Jean trousers, and a polo top, and you walk down the street, a lot of younger men will probably think “she’ll be in her forties,” so they can attempt to toast….
I still get a whistle or two, when I walk down the road, so I try to walk within my Estate, so I don’t get angry at any small boy.
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